Well...

I promised myself that I’d be better at this and here I am not being better at this at all. I’m not really all that surprise. Since my last post I’ve been working the job is stressful. I didn’t think it would be as the person on the bottom it always falls.

Something something downhill.

On top of that I believe I spent the last six months of 2022 very sick with one thing or another which included Covid. I’m not sure I’ve ever recovered. I feel like a part of my brain has broken and its never really recovered. I’ve entered a new therapy so I’m hoping that we can work through it. She says that part of my writing issues are trauma. I’m inclined to believe her. I’ve always wanted to be honest with you as my audience. If I’m not then I’m lying. Everything I write is honesty. I can’t be honest about my last four years.

I don’t know how.

Maybe that’s guilt. Everyone suffers and I’m no different and it doesn’t seem right to burden people with that guilt. You have enough to go through, I’ll figure it out…or I’ll die both are right.

Is that why I came out here? No but its where I’m going.

I’m not sure what else I want to say. I’m working on things. Writing myself but I can’t promise anything. My depression gets worse with every down swing and I…i don’t know.